Why Japanese People Don’t Use ‘You’ & What to Say Instead of Anata

Learn why using “you” in Japanese isn’t as simple as it seems—and what native speakers actually say in daily conversation.

If you’ve ever studied Japanese or watched anime, chances are you’ve heard pronouns like あなた (anata) or お前 (おまえ | omae) and assumed they meant “you.” But here’s the catch—Japanese speakers rarely use “あなた (anata)” in real life. In fact, using the wrong word for “you” can come off as cold, rude, or even confrontational depending on the situation. So how do native speakers refer to each other without causing offense?

Whether you’re chatting with a friend, speaking politely to a stranger, or trying to sound natural in conversation, knowing how to address others in Japanese is essential for sounding both respectful and fluent. In this post, we’ll break down why “you” is tricky in Japanese, what alternatives are actually used, and when it’s safe to say anata—if ever.

If you want to learn about every type of “You” in Japanese, go check out Sayaka’s video that uses diagrams and examples to explain how you can use this tricky word in Japanese with no trouble.

1. Why “You” in Japanese is Tricky

In English, the second-person pronoun “you” can be very versatile. You can use it with strangers, in workplace settings regardless of status, and with friends alike. However, in the video, Sayaka explains that the terms used for  “you” in Japanese changes depend on three key elements:

• relationship
• context (or feelings); and 
• the required formality

These three elements add extra layers of complexity for using such a simple-sounding word doesn’t it? And using the wrong one will sound distant or even anger-inducing. Even more surprising is the fact that people completely omit the word for “you” in Japanese in some contexts. However, let’s first explore how each different word for “you” in Japanese will sound to native speakers.

2. How each version of “You” in Japanese sound to native speakers

Japanese has many ways to say “you,” but most of them are rarely used in everyday polite conversation. Why? Because each word carries a unique nuance—and if you use the wrong one, it can come off as cold, rude, or even aggressive. Let’s break down how each version of “you” in Japanese actually sounds to native speakers, including real-life examples and the social dynamics behind them.

あなた/貴方【Anata】

When you look up “you” in Japanese on Google, this pops up. Despite being one of the first words learners could encounter, it’s rarely used in conversation because it can feel distant or even confrontational depending on context. Interestingly though, it was once considered a respectful word, but as society changed, anata has become much less formal and more avoided in non-family situations. 

Formality:
Formal

How it sounds:
– Rude or aggressive in conflicts or when used towards older people
– Cold and Condescending (sounds like you are looking down on the person – appropriate to use for someone of a higher position to a lower position)
– Sets distance (too formal)

Common Situations

a. Used by older people when scolding or advising someone younger

b. Professors addressing a student in a large lecture: 

「あなたはどう思いますか？」
(what do you think?)
　anata wa dou omoimasuka

c. Mothers scolding their kids: 

　「あなた、いい加減にしなさいよ」
(Hey you, that’s enough)
　anata, ii kagen ni shinasai yo

d. Ironically amongst friends:

「あなた、本当によく怪我するね」
(You get injured really often)
　anata, hontou ni yoku kega surune

e. A wife calling their husband “darling” (in an endearing, old-fashioned way)

f. In anonymous settings like textbook questions, songs, or indirect quotes

「あなたの好きな食べ物は何ですか」
(What is your favorite food?)
　anata no sukina tabemono wa nandesuka

In conclusion, while grammatically correct, あなた (anata) often sounds like you’re scolding or distancing yourself from the other person—so tread carefully.

あんた 【anta】

Anta is another way to say “you” in Japanese, which is regarded as a casual, regional version of あなた (anata). This word is often used in either demanding or friendly situations, especially within families. Depending on tone and region, it can sound affectionate—or confrontational.

Formality:
Casual

How it sounds:
– Condescending, just like あなた (anata)
– Can sound rude, especially to older people
– Aggressive in the wrong tone

Common Situations

a. Mothers yelling at kids

「あんたいつまでも寝てないで早く起きなさい！」
(Stop sleeping in. You should get up now!)
anta itsumade mo netenaide, hayaku okinasai!

b. Older people speaking to younger ones:

「あんたご飯食べに行かんの？」
(Hey you, are you coming to get food?)
anta, gohan tabeni ikanno?

c. Men speaking to peers or juniors in casual settings: 

「あんたコピーおねがい！」
(Hey you, copy (these papers) please!)
anta kopi- onegai!

d. Close friends joking around (in some regions)

「弁当忘れたのあんただけだよ」
(You’re the only one who forgot their bentō)
bentō wasuretano anta dake dayo!

These cases show how most of the time あんた (anta) is used in casual speech and again, is best avoided to gain attention or address someone in many settings.

お前【Omae】

You may have heard of this version of “you” in Japanese in anime or dramas as well. 

The origins of “omae” come from the terms 御前 (read “omae”, “mimae” or “onmae”) which is the most polite way to refer to a deity or nobleman. 

Like other word for “you” in Japanese, however, this also creates a rather rude impression to use around certain people.

Formality:
Formal

How it sounds:
– Blunt and often rude
– Tight-knit feel if used between close male friends or own family
– Very aggressive in conflicts

Common Contexts

a. Among close male friends

「お前、これ食う？」
(Yo, do you want to eat this?)
omae, kore kuu?

「お前すげぇな！」
(Dang bro, you’re/that’s amazing!)
omae sugee na!

b. From an older male family member to younger family member

「お前、次いつ帰ってくるんだ？」= Yo, when are you coming home next?
omae, tsugi itsu kaettekurunda?

c. During arguments

「お前、ふざけんなよ！」= Yo, are you kidding me?
omae, fuzakennayo!

お前 (omae) is one of the words my mother would tell me to not use at a friend’s house. The reason being, because you will earn a bad impression from the friend’s family. Since then, I have only resorted to using this in heated arguments. So before you say お前 (omae), think if your reputation is important with the person you are trying to say it to!

君【Kimi】

Kimi probably reminds you of the Makoto Shinkai film, 君の名は (kimi no na wa) which has the English translated title “your name”. Using kimi as a way to say “you” in Japanese gives a softer feel, especially in song lyrics and movie titles. So Kimi does feel gentle on paper, but in practice it can come across as condescending or distant—especially when used by older men or authority figures.

Formality:
Casual to formal

How it sounds: 
– Polite but can sound patronizing 
– Distant or superior

Common Contexts

a. Male bosses or teachers to younger people:

「君の資料はわかりやすいね」= Your material is easy to understand
kimi no siryō wa wakariyasuine.

b. Song lyrics and romantic anime titles:

「君はロックなんか聴かないと思いながら
　少しでも僕に近づいてほしくて」

(You don’t even listen to rock, I thought, but I still want you closer to me)
kimi wa rokku nanka kikanai to omoinagara, sukoshi demo boku ni chikaduite hoshikute

from “君はロックを聴かない” / Kimi wa rokku wo kikanai (by あいみょん / Aimyon)

「君たちはどう生きるか」
(How Do You Live)
kimitachi wa dou ikuirukan

(Japanese title of ‘The Boy and the Heron’)

You can probably think of more titles or songs that use 君 (kimi). While 君 (kimi) is okay to use in specific roles or formal relationships, they are not very common in everyday peer-to-peer talk.

Other ways of saying “you” in Japanese: 貴様・てめぇ・僕・自分

Let’s take a look at a few more words you may seldom encounter and hear as second-person pronouns.

僕【Boku】and 自分【Jibun】

These are actually first-person pronouns (meaning “I”), but are sometimes used to refer to others depending on region or context:

– When speaking gently to young boys, 僕 (boku) might be used:
「僕、大丈夫？」(Are you okay?)
boku, daijyōbu?

– In the Kansai region (Osaka area), 自分 (jibun) can mean “you” in casual speech.

貴様【Kisama】 and てめぇ【Temee】

You’ve probably heard these in anime or drama fights—and that’s exactly where they belong.

They are:
– Both sound very aggressive and insulting
– Only used in heated arguments or fictional stories

Think of these as “fight words”—don’t use them unless you’re writing a villain in a manga.

So, most of these ways of saying “you” in Japanese are almost offensive and better avoided. Then how do Japanese people communicate without using these terms for “you”? 

The answer is…

they don’t use “you”.

3. Better Alternatives to “You” in Japanese

Instead of using the terms for “you” in Japanese, people often address each other by using a name, family role, or social title. Let’s take a look at how that works in real life.

#1 Using Someone’s Name

This is the most common and natural way to talk to someone in Japanese.

「さやか、土日は何してるの？」
(Sayaka, what are you doing on the weekend?)
Sayaka, donichi wa nani shiteiru no?

「さやかはどれにする？」
(Sayaka, which one do you pick?)
Sayaka wa dore ni suru?

Now, if the person is already in front of you or if you want to address something to multiple people, you don’t have to say their name—or anything at all—if it’s obvious you’re speaking to them:

「(あなたは)明日仕事ある？」
(Do [you] have work tomorrow? )
ashita shigoto aru?

「(あなたは)これ飲む？」
([Will you] drink this?)
Kore nomu?

「(あなたは)日曜日空いてる？カフェ行かない？」
([Are you] free on Sunday? [should we] go to a cafe?)
Nichiyoubi aiteiru? Kafe ikanai?

This way of communicating in Japanese aligns with the idea how in the Japanese language, many sentences omit the subject part of the sentence. 

But when you’re with multiple people and want to address a question to a specific person, names help avoid confusion.

Now, what if you don’t know their name?

#3 When You Don’t Know Their Name

You can still avoid using the term “you” in Japanese to communicate with strangers and people you encounter for the first time.

For example, when you need to ask a quick question or need the attention of someone in public, you can say something like:

「すみません、並んでいますか？」
(Excuse me, [are you] lining up?)
sumimasen, narande imasuka?

Here, “すみません” replaces any need for “you”—as long as it’s clear you are getting the person’s attention and speaking to them.

In a social setting though, you may want to address someone by their name. However, if you’re in a group and don’t know someone’s name, you can use the following phrases:

「すみません、お名前なんて言うんですか？」
(Excuse me, what is your name?)
sumimasen, onamae nante iun desuka

「すみません、お名前聞いてもいいですか？」
(Excuse me, may I ask for your name?)
onamae kiitemo iidesuka

If you forgot their name but already met them, just be honest and polite:

Or a trick is to ask a mutual friend quietly by describing the person:

「すみません、お名前もう一度聞いてもいいですか？」
(Excuse, may I ask for your name one more time?)
sumimasen, onamae mouichido kiitemo iidesuka?

Or another trick in this situation to ask a mutual friend quietly by describing the person:

「赤い服の人、名前何だったっけ？」
(What was the name of the person in red clothes?)
akai fuku no hito, namae nandakke?

Or in formal:「赤い服の方、お名前何でしたっけ？」
akai fuku no kata, onamae nandeshita kke?

#4 Using Family Roles

Another notable way where “you” is replaced by another word is the use of family role names. Within families, especially when speaking to older relatives, it’s common to use family roles instead of names:

• お父さん (otousan – Dad)
• お母さん (okaasan – Mom)
• おじいちゃん (ojiichan – Grandpa)
• お兄ちゃん (oniichan – Older brother)

For younger siblings, people usually use names or nicknames—but it depends on the family.

#5 Using Social Titles

In professional or formal settings, Japanese often use social roles instead of names or “you”. In schools in Japan, a common way for students to address a teacher is by only using the title, 先生 sensei. 

A quick fun fact: 先生 (sensei) is a term not only used for teachers, but also doctors, lawyers, and instructors in many capacities.

Other examples:

「あ、お客様！スマホお忘れですよ。」
(Sir/Ma’am, you have forgotten your smartphone!)
a, okyakusama, sumaho owasure desuyo.

The word お客様 (oyakusama) is the most polite way of referring to a customer. When a store staff has to grab attention of a customer, this is the term they use.

「先輩、来週のイベント行きますか？」
(Senpai, are you going to the event next week)
senpai, raishū no ibento ikimasuka?

Have you heard of this word in school-theme anime? The word, 先輩 (senpai) is used in both school and workplace settings alike, when a younger person talks about, or to an older person of the group. This word can be used alone, or can replace さん as an honorific after their name.

As you can see, there are many ways to speak naturally and respectfully in Japanese without ever using “you“. It may feel unusual at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a powerful way to communicate more like a native speaker.

Ready to test what you’ve learned? Let’s quiz it out in the next section! 🧠

Another important sentence element in Japanese speech is the question word “what”. But it’s not all just なに (nani). Learn how you can elevate your question-asking skills in Japanese by reading this post.

4. Quiz Time!

See how well you understand how “you” is really used in everyday Japanese!

How many did you get correct?

Conclusion

Today, you’ve learned why saying “you” in Japanese can be tricky and how native speakers approach this aspect of the language. By understanding the different second-person pronouns and their nuances, you can avoid sounding impolite or awkward when addressing others.

Remember, there are plenty of ways to address someone in Japanese without relying on “you” at all. Whether it’s using their name, omitting it entirely, or addressing them by their family role or social title, these alternatives can help you sound more natural and respectful in conversation.

If you have other questions about addressing people in Japanese, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments! I’d love to hear any surprises you found in this post too. Or if you have any other topics you think we should cover, let us know!

And if you found this helpful, share it with your fellow Japanese learners or travel buddies!

Now, have you…

Ever thought of learning Japanese, but have no access to classes?
Learned Japanese, but want to speak more before traveling?
Given up on speaking Japanese before?
Been tired of your unmotivated classmates?
OR are you UNMOTIVATED to study Japanese?

Then you should check out Sayaka’s Beginner and Intermediate Japanese lessons! With engaging weekly lessons covering task-based conversation practice, kanji, grammar for different situations, and useful phrases, you will for sure fall in love with all the fun and warmth you will experience in Sayaka’s class. Check her classes out here!